I just signed myself up for swimming lessons. Yes, I'm 39 years old (will be turning 40 - God willing - in 2 months) and I do not know how to swim.
Growing up, the camps I attended had teenage counselors and my mother didn't trust them to teach me to swim, so I was always restricted to just sitting on the edge of the pool and putting my feet in the water. Later, as an adult (who paid for my own hair to get done) I had no desire to swim and have to deal with my hair afterwards. Then, as a married woman I reasoned that I was too fat for my husband to teach me to swim, and I didn't want to be seen in a bathing suit, so it was a definite no go. At the root of all of these excuses was (and is) fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Irrational, base-less fear.
Not wanting my 6 year old daughter to grow up with my fears, I have had her in swim lessons for the past 2 years. I watch how fearless she is and she has inspired me to take the plunge. I'll keep you posted on how it goes...
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
It's My Surgiversary!!
This will be a long one, so grab a snack or a drink, sit back and relax as I take you through the last year of my life...
One year ago I took that step from which there has been no turning back. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took my daughter to camp and gave her a big hug and kiss and prayed to God that I would live to see her again. You see, I was voluntarily putting myself through an elective surgery, the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, in an effort to lose weight and become healthier. I had been told a few months earlier that I was pre-diabetic, had high cholesterol, and was seriously deficient in vitamins D, B12, and iron. I was a ticking time bomb and I didn't even know it. But was this the right thing to do? I lost 17 pounds on my own as I prepared for surgery. Surely it I just gave it one more go, I could lose the weight. Sure I could. But it would inevitably come right back, just as it always had. I owed it to myself and my family to go through with the surgery. God had my back; He always does.
I arrived at Abington Memorial Hospital at the appointed hour and was prepared to wait (like hospitals/doctors always have you wait). To my surprise I was whisked back to my preparation area (that looked like where you are seen in an emergency room). The nurses came in for my vitals and then told me I needed to take a pregnancy test, just to be sure. I assured her that I had taken one the night before, but off I went to pee in the cup. Not pregnant, phew! Next, came the most handsome Dr. G. He reviewed exactly what we would be doing and wrote "VSG" on my tummy. I thought it was so hilarious, but I appreciated it at the same time. There would be no mistake of taking out anything other than 85% of my stomach. I signed my release papers, said a final farewell to my parents, husband, and niece and I was rolled into the OR. In the OR small talk was made and the next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room nauseous as ever. I couldn't move, I was scared to death, and I was thinking "did it work?" The nurse gave me peppermint to sniff and that helped with the nausea, a little. I had IV pain meds and was wheeled up to my room. All I wanted was my family and they were no where around. :( It seemed to take forever, but they finally showed up.
Once the catheter was removed I knew the drill - walk and sip, walk and sip. I did so many laps around that hospital floor I think I may have wore my own path, which is quite possibly still there today. :) I was given nothing to eat or drink that night, but did get a lemon flavored sponge to wet my mouth. The next morning I was served "breakfast" - Propel water, jello, and broth. If you think regular hospital food is bad, try bariatric surgery hospital food. BLEH!!! So, I sipped the Propel and then just plain old water. By 11 am I refused all pain meds, as they made me nauseous and I didn't really need them. That afternoon I was released to return to my surgeon's office in a week for follow-up. Once home I continued the routine of walking and sipping . . . and the rest (as they say) is history.
Fast forward to this week, one year later. I met with my surgeon 2 days ago and my nutritionist today. My one year labs were FANTABULOUS!!!!! I am no longer pre-diabetic, my sugar levels are low-normal; I no longer have high cholesterol, my LDL and HDL levels are PERFECT; my vitamin D level is on target; my B12 level is slightly elevated; I now have to cut back on the amount of those two vitamins; my iron level was a smigin low (11 vs normal 11.1), but my iron levels have historically been very low, so I'll take it. My energy level is through the roof, and I could not be happier. Well, that's not exactly true. I could be happier if the damn scale would move more. According to my surgeon, I have lost 64% of my excess body weight, but they go by my weight the day of surgery. If you calculate from my highest weight, I have lost 71% of my excess body weight. And while I realize that's nothing to sneeze at, like everyone on a weight loss journey I want more. I want to hit my personal goal (to be a "normal" bmi). I had a GREAT visit with my nutritionist today and the outcome was I'm still eating too many processed foods, I need to incorporate more fresh produce into my diet, I need to stop focusing on numbers and focus on quality. And this is the biggest shocker to me - my macros ratio is now 25% protein, 25% healthy fats, and 50% complex carbs. I have spent the last year minimizing carbs to the extent that I exclude many good for me foods. I have been focused on the bottom line of calories, not the quality of calories. This is a HUGE paradigm shift for me.
Okay, enough of the blah, blah, blah. If you've made it this far, here are some before and after pics. I have to choose one to submit for the hospital "wall of fame." Which one would you choose?
The top pic is the pic where I finally "saw" myself and knew I needed to do something.
One year ago I took that step from which there has been no turning back. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took my daughter to camp and gave her a big hug and kiss and prayed to God that I would live to see her again. You see, I was voluntarily putting myself through an elective surgery, the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, in an effort to lose weight and become healthier. I had been told a few months earlier that I was pre-diabetic, had high cholesterol, and was seriously deficient in vitamins D, B12, and iron. I was a ticking time bomb and I didn't even know it. But was this the right thing to do? I lost 17 pounds on my own as I prepared for surgery. Surely it I just gave it one more go, I could lose the weight. Sure I could. But it would inevitably come right back, just as it always had. I owed it to myself and my family to go through with the surgery. God had my back; He always does.
I arrived at Abington Memorial Hospital at the appointed hour and was prepared to wait (like hospitals/doctors always have you wait). To my surprise I was whisked back to my preparation area (that looked like where you are seen in an emergency room). The nurses came in for my vitals and then told me I needed to take a pregnancy test, just to be sure. I assured her that I had taken one the night before, but off I went to pee in the cup. Not pregnant, phew! Next, came the most handsome Dr. G. He reviewed exactly what we would be doing and wrote "VSG" on my tummy. I thought it was so hilarious, but I appreciated it at the same time. There would be no mistake of taking out anything other than 85% of my stomach. I signed my release papers, said a final farewell to my parents, husband, and niece and I was rolled into the OR. In the OR small talk was made and the next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room nauseous as ever. I couldn't move, I was scared to death, and I was thinking "did it work?" The nurse gave me peppermint to sniff and that helped with the nausea, a little. I had IV pain meds and was wheeled up to my room. All I wanted was my family and they were no where around. :( It seemed to take forever, but they finally showed up.
Once the catheter was removed I knew the drill - walk and sip, walk and sip. I did so many laps around that hospital floor I think I may have wore my own path, which is quite possibly still there today. :) I was given nothing to eat or drink that night, but did get a lemon flavored sponge to wet my mouth. The next morning I was served "breakfast" - Propel water, jello, and broth. If you think regular hospital food is bad, try bariatric surgery hospital food. BLEH!!! So, I sipped the Propel and then just plain old water. By 11 am I refused all pain meds, as they made me nauseous and I didn't really need them. That afternoon I was released to return to my surgeon's office in a week for follow-up. Once home I continued the routine of walking and sipping . . . and the rest (as they say) is history.
Fast forward to this week, one year later. I met with my surgeon 2 days ago and my nutritionist today. My one year labs were FANTABULOUS!!!!! I am no longer pre-diabetic, my sugar levels are low-normal; I no longer have high cholesterol, my LDL and HDL levels are PERFECT; my vitamin D level is on target; my B12 level is slightly elevated; I now have to cut back on the amount of those two vitamins; my iron level was a smigin low (11 vs normal 11.1), but my iron levels have historically been very low, so I'll take it. My energy level is through the roof, and I could not be happier. Well, that's not exactly true. I could be happier if the damn scale would move more. According to my surgeon, I have lost 64% of my excess body weight, but they go by my weight the day of surgery. If you calculate from my highest weight, I have lost 71% of my excess body weight. And while I realize that's nothing to sneeze at, like everyone on a weight loss journey I want more. I want to hit my personal goal (to be a "normal" bmi). I had a GREAT visit with my nutritionist today and the outcome was I'm still eating too many processed foods, I need to incorporate more fresh produce into my diet, I need to stop focusing on numbers and focus on quality. And this is the biggest shocker to me - my macros ratio is now 25% protein, 25% healthy fats, and 50% complex carbs. I have spent the last year minimizing carbs to the extent that I exclude many good for me foods. I have been focused on the bottom line of calories, not the quality of calories. This is a HUGE paradigm shift for me.
Okay, enough of the blah, blah, blah. If you've made it this far, here are some before and after pics. I have to choose one to submit for the hospital "wall of fame." Which one would you choose?
The top pic is the pic where I finally "saw" myself and knew I needed to do something.
Top pics are just before surgery (maybe a month).
Top pic is 2009, bottom is a few weeks before my one year.
And finally, I have always wanted a "goal" tattoo that incorporates my surgery date. Since I'm not at goal yet, I decided to get a surgiversary tattoo for my baby girl. It's an infinity symbol on my inner wrist for my "baby" Alyssa. I LOVE it!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Exciting Stuff
Yesterday was a pretty exciting day for my family. My baby girl (okay, she's not really a baby, she's six) "moved up" from kindergarten to first grade. Where, oh, where have the last six years gone?
Here we are right before the ceremony...
Then, last night I got the call that Baby Hezekiah (my great nephew) made his grand entrance into the world.
Happy Birthday, Hezekiah!!!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
An Open Letter
Dear weight,
I know we have been down this road before. We have said good-bye (many, many times), only for me to welcome you back with open arms. You have been my friend, my security blanket, my comfort; but I MUST say a final farewell.
I know my history with toxic relationships. I know that I have always gone back. But not this time. I see this morning that you left your little message (via the scale). I deleted it, choosing not to acknowledge it or reply back. You are out of my life for good.
You can send all the messages you want, I will reject them. You can try to invade my thoughts, I will change them. I am stronger than you. I choose ME over you. I choose my health, my family, my life. You are no longer welcome.
Good-bye FOREVER,
Me
I know we have been down this road before. We have said good-bye (many, many times), only for me to welcome you back with open arms. You have been my friend, my security blanket, my comfort; but I MUST say a final farewell.
I know my history with toxic relationships. I know that I have always gone back. But not this time. I see this morning that you left your little message (via the scale). I deleted it, choosing not to acknowledge it or reply back. You are out of my life for good.
You can send all the messages you want, I will reject them. You can try to invade my thoughts, I will change them. I am stronger than you. I choose ME over you. I choose my health, my family, my life. You are no longer welcome.
Good-bye FOREVER,
Me
Monday, June 10, 2013
Letting Go...
I have been married for 7 years, and never have I allowed my husband to pick me up. Though he is thin, I know that he is very strong and I have seen him pick up heavy pieces of furniture. However, due to my size, I never allowed him to pick me up. Whenever he would try, I would drop to the ground like a kid who doesn't want you to move them/pick them up. Even when sitting on his lap, I wouldn't allow myself to put my full weight on him. I was that self conscious about my weight.
As I have lost weight, he has periodically asked if he could pick me up. My response has always been "when I weigh less than you." This past weekend he asked again. My first question was, "how much do you weigh?" Being 4 pounds more than him, I decided to bite the bullet and let him give me a piggy back ride. I held on to the banister, still afraid to let all my weight rest on his back. Letting go was one of the hardest things I have done, but I did it. And I got my piggy back ride. Baby steps...
As I have lost weight, he has periodically asked if he could pick me up. My response has always been "when I weigh less than you." This past weekend he asked again. My first question was, "how much do you weigh?" Being 4 pounds more than him, I decided to bite the bullet and let him give me a piggy back ride. I held on to the banister, still afraid to let all my weight rest on his back. Letting go was one of the hardest things I have done, but I did it. And I got my piggy back ride. Baby steps...
Here is a picture of me, hubby, and our daughter.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Planks = Ugh!
When I started the May Challenges I thought burpees would be the death of me. Doing just 10 (modified) I wanted to die. By the end of May I could do 5 modified followed by 15 regular without a break. WOOT! Now, in the June Challenge planks will be my newest challenge to overcome. I started with a 10 second plank and am up to 30 seconds (on the 7th day). By the end of the month I am expected to do a 2 minute plank. YIKES!!! I plan on getting there. I won't be pretty. And it won't be easy. But I will be "Giving It My All."
Thursday, June 6, 2013
What have I learned???
I have come to the end of the 7 day sugar detox/kick start/reset and I have learned a few things.
- I only need to do 3-4 days of liquids to get the weight loss moving. This is not the first reset I've done to break a stall and both times the scale started moving around day 3/4.
- I was never as mentally prepared to deal with stalls as I thought I was. Although I know that stalls and even plateaus are normal and to be expected, I continue to want that fast weight loss.
- I have not gotten past the "diet" mentality. I thought having the sleeve would equate to steady weight loss and I would not have to "diet." Wrong, I still want to manipulate my body into dropping the pounds on a schedule.
- At 11 months out, I still have to consciously think about and plan all of my meals. If I don't, I skip meals (just like I did early on) and that's not good. Will I ever be "normal" again?
- I am getting healthier and for that I should be grateful, but I'm still fixated on the scale numbers.
I also saw something this morning while doing my June Challenges. I saw definition in my stomach. Now don't get me wrong, I am a loooooonnngggg way away from a 6-pack. However, while trying not to fall off the ball while doing sit ups, I took a peek at my stomach and there was a definite definition that I have not noticed before. WOOT!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
I have fallen off the kick start wagon...
Part of my issue with consistently losing weight (I think) is that I forget to eat. I know, great problem to have, until your body goes into starvation mode and holds on to every pound for dear life. For the last 2 days I have forgotten my mid morning shake and ultimately skipped a shake a day. That may not seem like a big deal, but when you have "the sleeve" you can only hold so much in your stomach at once. And I often choose (especially when its hot out) water over protein. So my calories for the last 2 days were lower than they should have been.
Tomorrow is my last day of the sugar detox/kick start/reset and then I will return to scheduling my meals/snacks around my work and workout schedules. Now that I have kicked the "sugar" cravings lets hope the weight loss continues.
Tomorrow is my last day of the sugar detox/kick start/reset and then I will return to scheduling my meals/snacks around my work and workout schedules. Now that I have kicked the "sugar" cravings lets hope the weight loss continues.
Dig out that stability ball (and blow it back up).
Years ago stability exercise balls were all the rage. We used them in aerobics classes and I bought one to use at home. Yeah right, Alyssa used it more than I did to roll and play around with.
As I was doing my morning "June Challenges" I looked around for something to put under my tailbone. You see, losing 80+ pounds means I have less "junk in my trunk" and my tailbone aches (really aches for days on end) when I do certain exercises. Well, I can't let an achy tailbone stop my flow, so I looked in the corner and saw my ball. I quick googled the exercises I needed to do on the ball and of course, there's a now to video for everything on the Internet.
Sit Ups
Crunches
Leg Raises
As I was doing my morning "June Challenges" I looked around for something to put under my tailbone. You see, losing 80+ pounds means I have less "junk in my trunk" and my tailbone aches (really aches for days on end) when I do certain exercises. Well, I can't let an achy tailbone stop my flow, so I looked in the corner and saw my ball. I quick googled the exercises I needed to do on the ball and of course, there's a now to video for everything on the Internet.
Sit Ups
Crunches
Leg Raises
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Made a few changes.
I've played around a bit and added a few "gadgets" to the blog. There are now subscribe and follower links, as well as fb and tweet links. Hope this makes it easier for friends who are following my journey. :)
Monday, June 3, 2013
I BROKE IT! I BROKE IT!!
I have been stalled (not losing any weight) since April 28, 2013. This morning, thanks to 3 days of the sugar detox/kick start/reset, I am down 3.6 pounds. WOOT!!! I will continue for the next 4 days and then return to normal, healthy eating (as opposed to the shakes). Thank you, thank you, thank you to my fellow "June Sleevers" for helping me kick start this weight loss again. Looking to finish out my first year post surgery as strong as I started it.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
It's a SMALL, y'all!!!
Saturday, June 1, 2013
June Challenge
I am all about challenging myself. Can I go farther? Can I do more reps? Can I beat my previous time? Can I do more without being as exhausted?
During the months of April and May I challenged myself to complete the Couch to 5K program. I can't tell you how many times I started that program, but I finally finished it. Now, I LOVE running. Yes, me. I.LOVE.TO.RUN!!! I have now taken my runs outside and it has become almost therapeutic. I can just let my mind wander and let it all out.
During the month of May I challenged myself to wake up at 5 am every weekday morning and 6 am every weekend morning to complete the squat, crunch, and muscle challenges (all found on facebook)..
I also completed the "May Exercise Challenge" found here. I went from nearly dying from the modified version of the burpees on day 1 to doing full sets of burpees by the end of the month.
So, now that the month of June is here, I will be redoing the squat challenge (have I mentioned how much I love squats) and adding in the ab challenge.
I have had problems with sit ups in past challenges because of an achy tailbone. My goal will be to find a way to make it work.
How will you challenge yourself?
During the months of April and May I challenged myself to complete the Couch to 5K program. I can't tell you how many times I started that program, but I finally finished it. Now, I LOVE running. Yes, me. I.LOVE.TO.RUN!!! I have now taken my runs outside and it has become almost therapeutic. I can just let my mind wander and let it all out.
During the month of May I challenged myself to wake up at 5 am every weekday morning and 6 am every weekend morning to complete the squat, crunch, and muscle challenges (all found on facebook)..
So, now that the month of June is here, I will be redoing the squat challenge (have I mentioned how much I love squats) and adding in the ab challenge.
How will you challenge yourself?
I want what I want, and I want it RIGHT NOW!
But don't we all? Isn't that what gets us into trouble more often than not?
Last night I visited my parents and found myself getting in a funky mood. Why? Because I wanted to eat. No, I was not hungry; I purposely ate before I went there. I just wanted to eat. I always want to eat when I am there.
I made myself leave early to escape the desire to eat and as I reflected on my ride home I realized that I have to retrain my mind that I "need" to eat while I am there. That will have to start with me not heading to the dining room table as soon as I walk in the door. No matter if I plan to eat or not, that seems to be the gathering place to sit and chat as a family. And of course sitting at a table, I naturally want to eat. So today I will return, and I will sit in the living room. Baby steps.
When I got home I was deep in a funk, so I sent myself to bed. This was my method of escaping the desire to eat that was still present and so that I would not "cheat" and give in to the peppermints. Yes, I still want those damn peppermints! But the problem with peppermints is that they multiply - one turns into three, and three turns into eight, and before I know it, I've eaten more than I choose to count.
The more and more I think about "cheating" (or giving in) the more I realize that I am only cheating myself. Didn't I promise that I would be "Giving It My All?" That is not to say that I will never have another peppermint, or another cake, or any more pretzels, or whatever the snack I desire. What is does say is that I am still learning and growing and I need to set and stick to limits.
Last night I visited my parents and found myself getting in a funky mood. Why? Because I wanted to eat. No, I was not hungry; I purposely ate before I went there. I just wanted to eat. I always want to eat when I am there.
I made myself leave early to escape the desire to eat and as I reflected on my ride home I realized that I have to retrain my mind that I "need" to eat while I am there. That will have to start with me not heading to the dining room table as soon as I walk in the door. No matter if I plan to eat or not, that seems to be the gathering place to sit and chat as a family. And of course sitting at a table, I naturally want to eat. So today I will return, and I will sit in the living room. Baby steps.
When I got home I was deep in a funk, so I sent myself to bed. This was my method of escaping the desire to eat that was still present and so that I would not "cheat" and give in to the peppermints. Yes, I still want those damn peppermints! But the problem with peppermints is that they multiply - one turns into three, and three turns into eight, and before I know it, I've eaten more than I choose to count.
The more and more I think about "cheating" (or giving in) the more I realize that I am only cheating myself. Didn't I promise that I would be "Giving It My All?" That is not to say that I will never have another peppermint, or another cake, or any more pretzels, or whatever the snack I desire. What is does say is that I am still learning and growing and I need to set and stick to limits.
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